Many people cringe when they hear the words 'arranged marriage.' They cringe because it brings to mind an image of a forced union and an unhappy couple in the middle of it.
I, however, beg to differ. As an Islamic young guy, I believe in the idea of arranged marriages. .
An arranged marriage is a union between two prospective spouses negotiated by the parents and sometimes the extended family. It is a system which is taken very seriously by all involved. Many cultures continue this practice, but some, such as the Western culture, have drifted off to other methods (i.e. dating).
In the past, an arranged marriage simply meant that the parents (and/or extended family) found the companion they felt was suitable for their son or daughter. Although that method is still widely used, it has changed somewhat to suit the new times. Nowadays, the parents will suggest the person they feel is qualified for their son or daughter. If their child approves (after meeting the person and perhaps a brief interview) then it's final. In some cases, the children may even take the initiative to suggest whom they have in mind.
The main focus here is simply ensuring that the married couple will have the approval and blessings of both their parents. After all, the parents play the main role in the decision - they are the ones who research and check into the background of the person their child wishes to marry.
Of course, courtship rituals vary from culture to culture. My non-Islamic peers are getting more and more into dating. The problem I see with that is that it allows people to conduct relationship without worrying about commitment and responsibility.
In my view, that's where the trouble lies. People can simply run away from their problems. There is a mutual understanding that if one or both of the people want to break up, they can do so more easily than if they were married. Dating does not necessarily lead anywhere. It takes a long time for it to lead (if ever) to marriage. In the case of the arranged marriage system, it's much simpler - both sides know that they are actually going to be getting married. The intention is clear, whereas in dating, even bringing up the subject of marriage would be a no-no. When people are dating, they are looking for a good time. Often, it's nothing more than a brief fling. With an arranged marriage, one actually knows that Mom and Dad approve of the fiancé(e). In contrast, when two people are dating, no one can be sure that the 'rents will approve of that punk rocker boyfriend their daughter brings home.
Also, there's no guarantee that we actually know the person we are dating. Both people are on their best behaviour - a mask that's easy to wear, but difficult to keep on. In other words, it takes time before one eventually finds out what the person is really like. This is why the arranged marriage puts so much emphasis on the families knowing the person one is going to be with.
If the folks don't like the person, it's quite probable that we, ourselves, won't like them either. After all, we've grown up raised by our parents who taught us what was right and wrong - based on what they thought. We grew up with many of the same beliefs they taught us. And our parents have already been through the same experience. They DO know best.
What about looks? Many of us claim we are not swayed by looks. Deep, down inside though...it's a different matter. Of course many of you who do know me, know Omar likes good looks, infact loves beautifull women. But its time to look deeper. Attraction does matter, but maybe that attraction can come from a different plae than just the outside.
That's what makes the dating game so unfair and dangerous. If the person's appearance is not appealing, that's it - sayonara, hasta la vista baby. . . Many people are hurt in the process. In an arranged marriage, not only would that be mean, but eventually one would discover that looks aren't that important.
Since we are actually sitting down and getting to know the person, we may develop a friendship, a mutual bond. Remember, just because it is an arranged marriage, it doesn't mean that the couple have to be strangers to begin with. They may know each other from school, work, as peers, etc.
Life isn't a fairytale. There's no one perfect match out there. There will always be someone out there who's a better match. That's what makes an arranged marriage so beautiful. We stick with the person we chose from the start and as time goes on, we get to know them better and better.
London youth have varied opinions on the subject of arranged marriages. Some of them think that it is better. With dating, there is always the concern of "people judging by appearance," as one girl put it. Also, they feel that there is a better mutual understanding between the prospective spouses and that it is safe because the person's background is known. They think it is also a more practical method, because, in the end, it lasts longer.
However, there are also those that think the system of arranged marriages is flawed. They feel that they are forced into a decision over which they lack control. These youth worry that they will be given little choice, and that the miss the experience of feeling "true love," or even knowing what it is.
